Hopeless Run Through Hell
by Chia Pet333
Summary: This is an angst and romance filled story, about Bella as she struggles to find herself with the help of her one true love, Alice Cullen. After a tragic marathon Bella is left broken and torn can Alice repair and help her love? Read and Review! XOXO
1. Reaper's Welcome Embrace

Hopeless Run through Hell 

Chapter 1: Bloodstained Sun

Chia, December 2010

**A/N:** So here is a new story, for a new book, a new couple, and a new sexual orientation, and new drama…Wowie, that's a lot of 'new'! ;) Well I have decided, that with all the drama going on with my life as of right now, I decided that I should write an incredibly angst filled story. This is also my first real attempt (as in published) at femslash and major mental breakdowns, so in theory I love healthy levels of criticism, but if you have read any one part of this and been anything other than: "Yippee! This looks (insert random swear word) like a story that I would totally (again) love to read!" then by all means read on… If you're thought process however follows the lines of, "EWWWWW GROSSSS Alice and Bella like together, now way Jose! Who would wanna read that? Stupid author for even publishing this! But hey, I'm gonna read it and just post mean and hurtful and gay bashing comments for the author to read and cry about..." Than no thanks, I don't need the hurtful remarks! Sorry for the rant! But this should stand true for all future reads please! It upsets the author when we expose ourselves and get nothing but hate in return. So anyways happy reading, exploring, and Bellice loving to you all! XOXO Gossip Girl…except it's not ;)

**Disclaimer: **This story belongs solely to Stephanie Mayer and her genius brain, that I somewhat disagree with. Thus this story has been brain birthed into existence… All characters except any created OC's are of her creation.

Running. That is all I know now, I have forced all other thoughts away. Trees speeding by, sweat pouring down my face at an impossible rate, heart pounding in my chest. I have been running for days now, having been set 'free' (if one can even call it that) for another 'chance' at survival against mutant creatures far superior to my meek human strength.

My only possession the gold plated book with a harrowed and sagging picture inside. My clothes are drenched but I have nowhere else to go. My head swivels left and right at a furious rate, my eyes wide with terror. Knowing that _they_ are never far away, _they_ loom around omnipresent waiting to strike.

I have an entire coven after me, red eyes leering at me. I shiver as my skin rises with fresh goose bumps and my disgustingly unwashed teeth chatter. Running it is all I know.

Somewhere in Washington state back to where it all began all those years ago. My converse clad feet slow, the shoes too mud covered to recognize the color, as I remember. Massacre. Blood everywhere. Trailing down the crack in my kitchen floor leaking into the massive pool by my mothers head…

NO! Stop this Bella, run. Forget. Everything. I clutch the relic tighter to my chest as my breathing slows from my heaving breaths, cold air wraps around me like a mother's cool embrace. Images so gruesome no one should have to have seen, cries for help so blood curdling that no one should remain alive.

But God, if there is one, shunned me, made me live, made me turn towards the light. But damn if that wasn't the stupidest move of my life. I trace the scar the curves viciously from my mangled right shoulder to my protruding left hip, and shiver.

_How did I get into this mess_? I ask myself over and over again. The book is piercing the skin just above my right breast, a drop of blood beads and falls onto the still wet, dewy ground making me cringe and cower.

_How did I become so weak?_

The face of James, Victoria, Jasmine, and Regon float over my memory. That's how. They're the reason.

My pace having slowed, comes to a standstill and I find myself wanting to stop, which I know will never again be possible. I am the one that got away, but not for long! _They_ sneer, each time _they _catch me. The pale half crescent scars litter my upper thigh and torso, my already pale flesh made paler by superhuman abilities. Each one causing unbelievable pain and torment. Each one pure adrenaline and sadistic pleasure for _them_.

Bitches and Bastards.

Find pleasure in my pain, the invincible little human, defenseless and savory. I cling to my one possession as tears leak down my cheeks, my arms quiver from lack of food as I stand outside of where it all began. The top story destroyed from where my father tried to save his family, I can hear the laughs of pure joy emitting from the blood red lips of the red headed feline-esqe woman and the ringing of my father's police issue gun as it fires shot after shot at the intruders.

I can feel the pain of Jasmine's teeth sinking into my flesh as my body twitched and jerked, wanting to die. I collapse under the pressure of the memories as my body can no longer support my weight. I cry the tears that have been so neatly kept inside for the past six months as my body so broken and beaten fold upon itself and I lay in my front yard again waiting for death to come and fine me, because even the Grim Reaper's cool touch is better than the bloody hot hell that I am forced to suffer through. My eyes pressed over my torn and faded jean clad legs are bleeding tears that seem unending.

My mind wanders as I cry, dreaming of my family who valiantly attempted to slay the demonic creatures that are now plaguing my very existence. I am the mouse to their vampiric, blood thirsty, superhuman strong, fast, durable, and keen cat. But my mother's smiling face looms behind my eyes, telling me to fight, to live on. To be her baby girl for a little bit longer. Her face is whisked away by the cold harsh images of the sneering faces of her tormentors as they mock her over and over again.

"Filthy human, you are never going to be enough for this world? What do you have to offer, hmmm?" A harsh bull whip strikes my back and I flinch even at the memory, James smiles and Jasmine, his mate, wraps her arms around her and laughs with a blood lust glint in her eyes.

"Hon, she just smells ravenous, I could just orgasm from that smell alone!" They tormented me for days on end, only to release me and repeat the cycle when they saw fit.

Repeating over and over again to me how utterly stupid, ugly, worthless, and pointless my life was to the greater race of vampires, nothing but a speck. In the beginning I never truly believed it, but with time the mantra implanted, invaded, and infected my mind corrupting my thoughts and making me doubt myself.

BIG. MISTAKE.

Tears and blood mix on my cheek as it attempts, of its own accord, to melt into the rain soaked asphalt that I have claimed as my bed. I remember all the times I ran, all the times I failed and I ask my mother and father for forgiveness. But doubt that it will ever be bestowed. I will not allow it. As I begin to hyperventilate my mind coats into blackness, I imagine I hear my mother's soft and soothing voice as I remember it to be.

"_Go to sleep now my sweet Bella, sleep well my lovely. I will see you when the sun shines once more."_ But that day will never come.

The darkness that I have not allowed myself to be embraced by until now, envelops me, welcoming me home. I fall into unconsciousness, clinging to the tattered and worn lone possession fearing the red eyes of my tormentors.

I let myself fade to black, knowing that another day of hell, of running, fear and terror, will soon arise with the blood stained sun. To run yet another race of this hopeless run through hell.


	2. Beastly Overkill

Reaper's Torment

Chapter 2: Beastly Overkill

Chia, February 2011

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

A/N: I am SOOOOO INCREDIBLY SORRY to all of you readers out there that I so abruptly abandoned…I really didn't mean to at all! I will not give excuses but I will say that no matter how devoted I am to fanfiction, reality sometimes needs to take priority. With that happy reading! XOXO Chia

…

Beastly, that is what I have become, not just in form but in both mind and spirit. I lack the will to get up off of the concrete that lay before my final destination. But surely its not the destination you're your thinking of, NO! Not heaven of hell this cruel limbo that I am forever condemned is far worse.

All I know is running, and fear; running from those beasts who first found me, running from those men who hungered for my life, my book. Running from these bastards who see me as a fun little play thing to chase and kill. Running from myself, fear of myself; I have become a beast.

I lay on the concrete in front of where it all began, where my family suffered the consequences of my fault. I am useless, worthless, despicable, and cowardly; I killed my family the only ones who ever really loved me were murdered for their love.

I have become a beast, unrecognizable to my own visage. I lay clutching my lifeline my book that has killed all who I hold dear and yet I can't seem to let it go. So many people had been killed for the possession of this book, my mother Renée had handed it to me as she lay bleeding whispering for me to take it and run.

She specifically gave this to me, not a family portrait or a keepsake, trinket, photo album, this god forsaken fucking golden book that's so old I can't even separate the pages. It's like a cosmic middle finger from God, a divine "FUCK YOU BELLA!" I have given up hope I am tired of running, my legs and body need a break my soul needs a break.

So I have come back to the place it all began, hopefully that's not to cliché but it's my safe spot. I am the turtle returning to her place of birth to lay eggs and lay down for death, I am the salmon going back upstream to die.

I am beastly Bella returning to the place that was once my home before the beast and cowardly admitting defeat.

…

The house is a little dilapidated from lack of use, hasn't been occupied for a while, my mothers carefully cultivated garden is in shambles, windows are boarded, the once loved and cheery home is no longer.

Ironic that after the gruesome acts committed here, my key still works and nothing has really moved besides the fine layer of dust that has accumulated. Guess no one wanted to but a house that an entire family was brutally murdered in. Huh, that's strange. Walking inside no lights are on however the room remainsis oddly comforting, a keepsake from the past, my security blanket. I sit in Charlie's favorite "lazy boy" recliner still accumulating dust in the living room and remember all the amazing times that I had here in this house.

…

September 12th 2008:

My sixteenth birthday extravaganza, even though I asked for a little family get together, my mother invited approximately every single person I have met in my entire life. Of course because small family get together equals large mass hordes of people in little tiny house!

Her only explanation being, "Well you've made it through the hard part, now's about time when you should party it up!" classic Renée for you, always making excuses for some fun.

While my poor father looks like he's about to bust out of this joint, too much attention on Charlie, and most definitely too much attention on me! But I sucked it up because I love my mother and so should my father.

Overall that was a great day. One of the best, before the beast.

…

That all shot straight to hell when I transitioned one day into this beast, I even have the scars to prove it. And those other dogs came to help me but even those freaks hadn't seen anything as freaky as me.

They punished me for it, the little lackey that had no idea what was going on, the big black one beat me and then left me to die in the woods, because I was different and I smelled deplorably disgusting to them…

I could change from animal to animal unlike those stinking mutts, still I never asked for this; I didn't want this.

Victoria lured me in then at my darkest time, I was injured couldn't heal and my blood was too alluring thus I have been running ever since; turns out where the dogs stink to vamps I smell delectable.

I have resigned my self to this fate, knowing that James and Victoria are going to kill me and despite the game they play there is no way that I can escape. The beast in me refuses to give up but I am only human and the tired and wasted side of me wins out.

I have run out of options, of clothes, and have been scrounging together food without having had a decent meal in weeks. There is no food left in the house and from experience I know that I will not be allowed into any restaurants I decided to do what I had been doing since this all began…dumpster dive.

I walked around the woods for a while waiting for the after-dinner rush to end and the trash to be emptied when I came upon a glistening white washed house, or maybe mansion, that appeared unoccupied, the smell around the house was unbelievable and the best part was there was a big butt trash and compost out back that I would most definitely score in! I looked down at my outfit for the past month at least, and realized that maybe some clothes were needed too.

…

First I had to eat though and so with that last thought in mind I headed for my five star choice select dining, the magnificent dumpster. I set a crate on the side and wasted no time in literally diving in. Amazed to find the packages of unopened food stuff, everything was in there it appeared that someone had bought the stuff and thrown it right out. My eyes grew wide and I swear that my stomach sang _Hallelujah _but in my head I was quietly wondering what kinda fucked up family would do this? Throw away perfectly good food, for no reason, why not donate it? But I am getting a fine dining experience so I am not concentrating on the poor children of Africa right now.

Just as I am finishing up my last bagel bite and am feeling completely satisfied there is a startled gasp from behind me. A woman is standing there looking completely flustered at my appearance. I mean who wouldn't be? There is a strange worn down girl sitting in your dumpster, FREAKY! Alarm bells just might go off in your head too! My mind started racing and my heart was beating so fast I swear that a stampeding heard of elephants wouldn't have drowned out the sound.

The woman had caramel shoulder length hair that positively glowed…without any sun! Jesus, this woman could be a supermodel. She had an extremely startled look on her face, with her mouth hanging open. Eyes wide hand reaching up towards face while her abandoned sack of garbage laid deserted and partially falling open at her side.

And of course she is expecting some sort of explanation from the slightly deranged girl in her dumpster that probably has tomato sauce all over her face, hair all matted and clothes much to worn. But all I can say is "Uhhmmmm …Hey sorry?" as I try to gracefully remove myself from a dumpster. Definitely not going to happen with Bella of course, no I had to trip and make a fool of myself.

Meanwhile she is still standing there flustered but now looking at me sympathetically while trying to holdback a laugh by disguising it as a cough. After my graceful departure from the trash I attempt to exit the premises but am stopped.

"Oh dear! Sweetheart do you need some food? Clothes? Anything to help you dear, no one else is home, I can help sweetie!" this kind woman responded, but I hadn't had motherly affection for months, I had absolutely no idea how to reciprocate or even respond to such an offer.

My now completely red face still hasn't looked her in the eyes or anywhere besides her hair. And as I look up at her I flinch and cower away from her trying to hide my face.

"Please! I will do anything! Don't touch me! Don't come near me please!" I begin shouting then quickly recede in to broken hearted lamentations, "N-nnn-ooo please, don't hurt me; I won't tell anyone I promise just let me go. P-pppp-pppplease?" By the end I have made myself as small as possible in the corner of their backyard and am lightly sobbing and feverishly attempting to keep this monster at bay.

"Sweetheart, my name is Esme. I would never, could never, hurt you. Please let me help you!" This woman, Esme, commented in the most soothing motherly tone possible which made me close my eyes for a second and remember my mother. With that realization my eyes shot open and I became more angry than scared.

"WHAT! Like your kind '_could never' _have murdered my family, have turned me, and '_would never' _have HURT me? Huh? Well that plan failed because I am half living proof of that aren't I? Get the FUCK AWAY!"

Esme had a concerned and defeated look in her eyes that told me that she truly felt sorry for me. "I will not do anything to hurt you. I can help you. But how do you know about us…"

Before she had even finished her sentence I had collapsed in to a heap of tears in the corner behind the dumpster.

_How can I trust this vampire, when others have destroyed my life before? Well, Bella, she does seem to be genuinely concerned for you. Yeah but that's exactly how the others acted until it was too late and my family was gone! I can't trust them, they're vampires! But look at their eyes. They're gold not bloody, that has to be something good! And look, how many other options do you have?_

…

After my internal debate, I look down to the book still clutched to my chest and the golden pages were glowing and I felt oddly comforted and peaceful. I flipped the corner of the pages as I thought and when I looked up this Esme person looked entirely too kind and hopeful. And I felt that I could trust her, despite the overwhelming knowledge that vampires are monsters I knew that I could be comfortable with this one in particular.

I exercised extreme caution as I moved from the slightly crouched position I was in to the halfway-standing-halfway-shielding-my body-stance that I had grown accustomed to in the last months.

"We must get you some clothes dear!..." then she began speaking so fast whipping out a cell in the process, that I had absolutely no idea how to handle it and I collapsed, perhaps from shear exhaustion and malnutrition but it was still quite unknown.

"Oh my!" Esme exclaimed as she saw me quickly falling, almost immediately I felt cool arms ensconce me within an incredibly warm presence as she rushed around to the front of the house and all the while looked down at me with concern in her eyes. And if she weren't a vampire I would be scared that she would run straight into a wall. Very blatantly she was looking at me as if I had just committed the worst, absolutely devastating, horrendous, gruesome crime in the world by… collapsing? My body felt like it was not a part of my mind, an extraterrestrial being that I had no control or command over whatsoever.

I can finally stop running. Here in this house with a vampire I feel oddly comforted and as Esme rubs my back and soothes me, so much like my mother used to, easing my body slowly to sleep, I know that running is over. As she leans me back on the couch my shirt rides up to just below my bra and I hear a gasp as I slip into the welcome embrace of unconsciousness.


End file.
